Why I Support Robin Thicke

First and foremost I support Thicke because I am a blurred line. I live in a society of blurred lines, and I don’t appreciate it anymore. I never did.

In the last few days I’ve read several posts on how Thicke’s song “Blurred Lines” is part of rape culture and is degrading to women. Any post where someone wrote about how they were personally offended, I say “Thanks for sharing and I am sorry for your experience”. Any post where somewhere generically wrote about how it is harming all women in our society I politely ask, “Speak for yourself”.

When I first heard this song, I fell in love. After a weird break-up I was searching for answers. It wasn’t the first time I had a falling out over a certain topic and I was starting to think something was wrong with me. Thicke’s song played and I had some answers. I read the lyrics, everything clicked and wanted to sing it out to the world. No where in the song did I read anything about “You said “no” and I did it anyway” “You were passed out when it happened” or “I never asked”. Those are rape actions. Sure the man “assumes” by saying “I know you want it”. Maybe the guy isn’t assuming though and actually knows she wants it because the girl SAID something? As in the part where she’s talking about getting blasted? Somewhere along the way females learned they can’t ask for sex and they can’t want sex, but if they’re drunk and it just happens, “Ooopsies!”. No. No more. For me “Blurred Lines” is saying “Stop with the act and OWN your sexuality”. You don’t need to be drunk to hit on a man, you don’t need to be drunk to have sex in nontraditional ways. You don’t need an excuse or a loophole.

I’m no longer a young adult, but I have suffered and dealt with these double standards my entire 20’s. I have stayed in relationships because it was the “right” way to have sex. AKA I let them try to domesticate me. But am I an animal? IS it in my nature? I’ve had at least 3 break-ups I can recall where the guy ended it because he didn’t see a future with me. I knew it was coming though, because the sex was off. Why does it matter? Why didn’t I speak up sooner or simply end things for myself? Well, somehow I learned a girl can’t want sex, a girl can’t have sexual expectations and to end if for that reason would be very inappropriate, perhaps even slutty of me? Yikes!

Seriously. I was recently told by an ex-boyfriend, someday I will “calm down” and want something “more” from a partner, maybe I need to grow up? Excuse me? What did I want exactly? I wanted more than gentle love making. I wanted to know there would be nights where drunk or not we could go crazy and have sex any which way. I wanted to know there was the emotional and physical desire. If “growing up” means I can’t joke around about threesomes or ask to be spanked, then maybe I don’t want to grow up and maybe I’m pissed I even have to make a distinction or choice?

The ONLY part of Thick’s song I don’t like is the lyric about a girl being a “bitch”, everything else is fair game in my book. A guy wants to talk about how big his “D” is and how it could tear the girl in two? It isn’t rape, it’s a guy bragging. He never said he’d force it on her, for crying out loud. I know girls who have said their breasts could suffocate a man. It isn’t rape, it’s their version of self-promotion. And the other rap portion about smacking asses and pulling hair? Sorry people, also not rape. Were you not around for the 50 Shades of Grey obsession?

I’ll be honest. I’ve had my hair pulled during sex and I’ve been spanked. I have never been raped. Sometimes I liked it and sometimes I didn’t. When I didn’t the guy didn’t do it anymore. What a novel idea! Consenting sex between two legal aged adults where the before, during and after were mutually satisfying? How could it be? And how could it exist outside of a domesticated relationship? I just don’t know!

Here’s the deal. I’m tired of being told “good girls” don’t dress a certain way, they don’t talk a certain way and they certainly don’t act a certain why. “Blurred Lines” is tired of it too. Why is it women can be shown in a bikini to sell stuff, but when a woman uses her same sexuality on her own terms there’s something wrong with her? Why? Why do I live in a society where as I approach 30 it’s weird I’m not married? Or it’s OK I’m not married, but I should keep it under-wraps when I’m wanting sexual contact? Or I should hope for a drunken “accident”.

Again NO NO NO.

For years art and entertainment have pushed the limits of what is acceptable in society or reflected trends. Music does the same thing. If van Gogh was married and painted a picture of a naked woman would there be backlash? Would we say it was completely inappropriate for a married man to see a naked woman other than his own wife? Would we complain about how his art promoted nudity and sexual promiscuity? Would we say the woman had low morals and standards for posing for such an image?

Music walks a fine line in our society because people can and do repeat the words. We ask “How does that sound?” coming from a 5 year old and then we feel shame because we wonder what we are doing to our children. I say 5 year olds have been repeating things they don’t understand for years. I say we should teach our children from a young age to own their bodies and not be afraid of their impulses, but teach them how to be safe. Safe with their bodies and their hearts.

I know it doesn’t say much to plan for what I’ll teach my children when I don’t any, but I will anyway. I will teach my sons AND daughters the same thing! Some girls will be sexually expressive, others won’t. Some guys will be and others won’t. Do what is most satisfying for you and always respect where others are on the spectrum. Use respectful language in public and always set proper expectations and boundaries in the bedroom. ALWAYS be safe in the bedroom, physically, emotionally and sexually.

As I approach 30 and worry about the future, I can’t help but to reflect on the past. When something sexual was OK with one boyfriend, but not then other I defaulted to thinking something about me was wrong or broken. I wish I could go back in time and convince myself it only meant this wasn’t the right relationship for me. I never want another girl to feel or think those things when she finds herself in a relationship that isn’t sexually compatible. I never want myself to experience it again. Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” may sound dirty to some or rude to others, but for me, it was the sound of years of self-doubt and second guessing falling to the floor. For me it was the sound of liberation and pride.

Go on and say I’m ignorant, say I’m stupid, say I’m ruining futures everywhere. I’m sure some of you will honestly believe it. All I know is, I’ll be living my own life and being happy. Blurred lines or not.

19 thoughts on “Why I Support Robin Thicke

  1. Maybe I have no place to comment here bc I’m just your average middle aged man… But my wife has expressed basically the same thing to me (though not as eloquently as you). And I think the video actually empowers women. They are basically IGNORING the guys singing or teasing them. Anyway, as usual your posts are really open and honest; which is what makes this blog great! Have fun in VB this weekend!

    • I think having a male perspective is wonderful. What right would I have to say “Yay votes for women” <--Mary Poppins anyone? Yet on the other side of things devalue the male view? As always thanks for taking the time to stop by and interact with me. Too bad you're out of town this weekend, hope you're doing something fun.

  2. I think the problem is that whole double standard. If you were a guy no one would blink at any of it but women are supposed to be a “Lady in the street but a freak in the bed” as another song puts it. I always loved that line actually. But yes when a woman owns her own sexuality people feel threatened and therefore have to namecall, label and force the whole societal norm on her. The funny thing is society is changing and many are failing to recognize that. It is a sexual society. Turn on the tv, tun on the radio yet ladies aren’t supposed to openly admit to it. Well that is kind of bullshit if you ask me. Plus look around there are MANY women who are single in their 30s. Many who did the whole education thing, many who maybe don’t fall into the housewife stereotype nor do they want to. And quite frankly there is nothing wrong with that. Some want to settle down later. Some don’t want to settle at all. But who are others to tell someone else how they should live or what they should want? The ones with the real problems are the ones forcing their view on someone else. Keep bein you! 🙂

    • You’re right. There is so much more of it in the media and in public. Sometimes I’m torn between wanting people to keep things a little more private and supporting their right to expression. Mostly I’m glad I have the freedoms I do as a female and understand it wasn’t always like this for many people.

      • true and oddly there is power in sexuality if it is used right. I don’t mean people bribing or that bs but sometimes sexiness can come off as powerful, in control and just plain awesome if done right. I agree sometimes in the media it can be overkill. A recent vma performance comes to mind but I’m not gonna go there as going over the top kind of is the point of the VMAs so people being shocked is just dumb lol. But back to the real point. Society has changed yet the so called standards haven’t caught up yet. I ignore the double standard and just be myself. If people don’t like me for me then they can bite me… well not literally unless me and that person are into that sort of thing jk! 😉

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  4. It’s one of my favorite songs right now and I don’t get “rape” from it. It seems more like maybe they’re already having sex, but he wants her to try something kinkier. She’ll “talk about getting blasted” to do it, but he doesn’t want the “blurred lines” of her being drunk. The first time my fiance and I were going to try something… ehem… potentially painful I wanted to get a little buzzed first. It was the only time I can remember wanting to drink. He told me right then that he would never, ever have sex with me if I was drunk, I can quote this exactly, “because it blurs the line of consent.” Oh I was going to do it, I wanted to do it, even though I had good-girl reservations.

    • Thanks for the comment. I think what your guy said is wonderful! It is so true too, the alcohol does provide a certain degree of blurred consent. Maybe with something new it’s best to keep going with a clear mind, but then in the future taking it to another level could involve the drinking? So many thing to consider. This post has given me such great feedback from all of you, I’m glad to know others are wondering what lines are drawn where and when too.

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