First and foremost I support Thicke because I am a blurred line. I live in a society of blurred lines, and I don’t appreciate it anymore. I never did.
In the last few days I’ve read several posts on how Thicke’s song “Blurred Lines” is part of rape culture and is degrading to women. Any post where someone wrote about how they were personally offended, I say “Thanks for sharing and I am sorry for your experience”. Any post where somewhere generically wrote about how it is harming all women in our society I politely ask, “Speak for yourself”.
When I first heard this song, I fell in love. After a weird break-up I was searching for answers. It wasn’t the first time I had a falling out over a certain topic and I was starting to think something was wrong with me. Thicke’s song played and I had some answers. I read the lyrics, everything clicked and wanted to sing it out to the world. No where in the song did I read anything about “You said “no” and I did it anyway” “You were passed out when it happened” or “I never asked”. Those are rape actions. Sure the man “assumes” by saying “I know you want it”. Maybe the guy isn’t assuming though and actually knows she wants it because the girl SAID something? As in the part where she’s talking about getting blasted? Somewhere along the way females learned they can’t ask for sex and they can’t want sex, but if they’re drunk and it just happens, “Ooopsies!”. No. No more. For me “Blurred Lines” is saying “Stop with the act and OWN your sexuality”. You don’t need to be drunk to hit on a man, you don’t need to be drunk to have sex in nontraditional ways. You don’t need an excuse or a loophole.
I’m no longer a young adult, but I have suffered and dealt with these double standards my entire 20’s. I have stayed in relationships because it was the “right” way to have sex. AKA I let them try to domesticate me. But am I an animal? IS it in my nature? I’ve had at least 3 break-ups I can recall where the guy ended it because he didn’t see a future with me. I knew it was coming though, because the sex was off. Why does it matter? Why didn’t I speak up sooner or simply end things for myself? Well, somehow I learned a girl can’t want sex, a girl can’t have sexual expectations and to end if for that reason would be very inappropriate, perhaps even slutty of me? Yikes!
Seriously. I was recently told by an ex-boyfriend, someday I will “calm down” and want something “more” from a partner, maybe I need to grow up? Excuse me? What did I want exactly? I wanted more than gentle love making. I wanted to know there would be nights where drunk or not we could go crazy and have sex any which way. I wanted to know there was the emotional and physical desire. If “growing up” means I can’t joke around about threesomes or ask to be spanked, then maybe I don’t want to grow up and maybe I’m pissed I even have to make a distinction or choice?
The ONLY part of Thick’s song I don’t like is the lyric about a girl being a “bitch”, everything else is fair game in my book. A guy wants to talk about how big his “D” is and how it could tear the girl in two? It isn’t rape, it’s a guy bragging. He never said he’d force it on her, for crying out loud. I know girls who have said their breasts could suffocate a man. It isn’t rape, it’s their version of self-promotion. And the other rap portion about smacking asses and pulling hair? Sorry people, also not rape. Were you not around for the 50 Shades of Grey obsession?
I’ll be honest. I’ve had my hair pulled during sex and I’ve been spanked. I have never been raped. Sometimes I liked it and sometimes I didn’t. When I didn’t the guy didn’t do it anymore. What a novel idea! Consenting sex between two legal aged adults where the before, during and after were mutually satisfying? How could it be? And how could it exist outside of a domesticated relationship? I just don’t know!
Here’s the deal. I’m tired of being told “good girls” don’t dress a certain way, they don’t talk a certain way and they certainly don’t act a certain why. “Blurred Lines” is tired of it too. Why is it women can be shown in a bikini to sell stuff, but when a woman uses her same sexuality on her own terms there’s something wrong with her? Why? Why do I live in a society where as I approach 30 it’s weird I’m not married? Or it’s OK I’m not married, but I should keep it under-wraps when I’m wanting sexual contact? Or I should hope for a drunken “accident”.
Again NO NO NO.
For years art and entertainment have pushed the limits of what is acceptable in society or reflected trends. Music does the same thing. If van Gogh was married and painted a picture of a naked woman would there be backlash? Would we say it was completely inappropriate for a married man to see a naked woman other than his own wife? Would we complain about how his art promoted nudity and sexual promiscuity? Would we say the woman had low morals and standards for posing for such an image?
Music walks a fine line in our society because people can and do repeat the words. We ask “How does that sound?” coming from a 5 year old and then we feel shame because we wonder what we are doing to our children. I say 5 year olds have been repeating things they don’t understand for years. I say we should teach our children from a young age to own their bodies and not be afraid of their impulses, but teach them how to be safe. Safe with their bodies and their hearts.
I know it doesn’t say much to plan for what I’ll teach my children when I don’t any, but I will anyway. I will teach my sons AND daughters the same thing! Some girls will be sexually expressive, others won’t. Some guys will be and others won’t. Do what is most satisfying for you and always respect where others are on the spectrum. Use respectful language in public and always set proper expectations and boundaries in the bedroom. ALWAYS be safe in the bedroom, physically, emotionally and sexually.
As I approach 30 and worry about the future, I can’t help but to reflect on the past. When something sexual was OK with one boyfriend, but not then other I defaulted to thinking something about me was wrong or broken. I wish I could go back in time and convince myself it only meant this wasn’t the right relationship for me. I never want another girl to feel or think those things when she finds herself in a relationship that isn’t sexually compatible. I never want myself to experience it again. Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” may sound dirty to some or rude to others, but for me, it was the sound of years of self-doubt and second guessing falling to the floor. For me it was the sound of liberation and pride.
Go on and say I’m ignorant, say I’m stupid, say I’m ruining futures everywhere. I’m sure some of you will honestly believe it. All I know is, I’ll be living my own life and being happy. Blurred lines or not.