Maybe I’m not a runner anymore

This post is being written on a Wednesday afternoon, within 30 minutes. Between the time I arrived home from work, and will leave for the CAVS basketball game tonight. This post will sound very similar to the last “heart to heart” post I created. Mostly because I am still struggling with the same issues. It’s real life though and I think I owe it to myself and all of you to be honest. Who knows, maybe someone somewhere out there will read it and not feel alone or different, and then it will all be worth it.

This morning I attempted to run with my dog for the 5 by the 5th virtual run series. Month 3 was a total bust. In January I did the Commitment Day 5K and finished just over 30 minutes. In February I did a 5K on the treadmill and had to walk most of it. I also had not run since the last 5K. This month? I think it’s pretty much the same thing. I have not run since the start of Feb, and I didn’t even make it 3 miles. Part of me thinks I’m getting sick, part of me just didn’t want to run.

When I look forward to my race calendar I look forward to the “fun” runs where I’m not really running and I look forward to the ultras where I will mostly be hiking. Honestly, I dread the idea of running and running with a group. I am so far gone from where and who I used to be, and the fight to come back isn’t fun. I know it isn’t supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to be worth it, but I don’t see it now.

I have fun at ZUMBA, and at spinning, and at all the other group classes. I don’t have fun running. I either have to do it on my own, or all my friends are so far advanced compared to me, it isn’t fun to run with them. Running makes me sad, and then I complain and no one wants to hear complaints. Again, I apologize for the tone this blog has taken recently.

Maybe I’m not a runner anymore? Maybe I’m too far gone, too far broken and it’s not worth repairing. Maybe I can do yoga? Or cycling? Or competitive eating?

Or maybe I should remember how amazing it felt for just a few minutes while I was out there this morning and everything was actually going right before it fell apart. Maybe there is still something to hold on to…maybe.

21 thoughts on “Maybe I’m not a runner anymore

  1. Do you have to classify yourself? I signed up for a few of the fun 5ks this summer. I’m not a runner, I hate every second of it, I’m slow (so slow), and I can’t do 3 miles. I signed up because the Color Vibe (if you’re not running yet, there’s a small group I’m wogging with you’re welcome to join us!!) and a few others I’m looking at.

    I don’t think it’s important to classify yourself as anything. You wouldn’t classify yourself as a zumba-ist, even if you did it regularly and loved it. Let running be a healthy hobby if you want to continue, rather than a label?

    • Haha you’re right, why don’t we pick up other classifications? Hmm. I keep hearing about Color Vibe and it looks amazing, but I am already committed to another event that weekend. Maybe this year I’ll just be the “fun run” runner haha or walker or jogger or whatever and just enjoy being out there regardless.

  2. I do believe I could’ve written this. This has been my life the past year. Here’s what I’ve learned. Running is part of my life but it is not my life. I’ve taken a LONG hiatus and am just now getting back to it feeling revived again. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be back where I was a couple years ago…but then again I don’t want to be. This is all part of my journey. Hang in there. Try new things and don’t worry about labels. 🙂

    • Thanks friend. I think the last race I really had fun at was the one we did in Indy. Since then it’s been this weird struggle of being too competitive and reading too much into stats. I admire all you’ve done and really enjoy watching your journey unfold.

    • I know it isn’t the ONLY thing out there, but it was such a big part and is such a big part of me, it feel weird to switch over to different types of fitness. It’s nice to know there’s so much support for other form though! Thanks for taking the time to comment.

  3. I felt this same way when I injured my toe just over two weeks ago. If I can’t run this marathon that I’m signed up for then maybe I’m not a “runner” anymore. I think the answer for me is that I still am and that I will just be a different runner at different stages of my life. Good luck!

  4. You run therefore you are a runner… stop breaking the running commandment! 😉 And so what if your preferences or style have changed that doesn’t change that you do it. As you know I run with crohns disease. This makes me start over after every flareup which sometimes can be as often as every two weeks and keep me down for a whole week at a time. I constantly feel like I am starting over… but I do it. I love it and I just keep with what I can do. If I can’t push the extra mile or run as hard as I would like one day, I allow it. It’s not that I am not trying it is that I have to pay more attention to my body and not overdoing it more than most. If I overdo it I can literally make myself sick… not good. So I push the extra when I am able to and when I can’t, I don’t. If all I can do is walk that day, I do that. And that’s ok… But you do it that is what matters and you aren’t alone in it. Plus I love my fun runs. Basically all I sign up for. I do regular 5ks and mud runs etc but I love all the fun themes. I look forward to them. I also know what kinds of courses I like best (rolling hills) and try to get those in as much as I can. Don’t beat yourself up. Just keep doing it! 🙂

  5. If it’s not fun, it’s not worth it. Not that running (or anything) has to fun every second, but if you don’t look forward to and don’t enjoy any parts of it, I think life is too short to try to make yourself do it. Maybe you do need a long break from running. Maybe it will woo you back, or maybe you will fall in love with something else!

    • I get what you’re saying…I just know for me I don’t want it to be difficult and I don’t want to be on a break. I was on a break most of last year and all I wanted was to get back to running. It’s just proving to be slower and more of a start over than I imagined.

  6. maybe you are a runner who is just having a break from running. take the pressure of “having” to run off and do it when you are ready and really want to do it. do other things now that feel good – you don’t just stop being a runner, who says it’s the only thing you do that defines you?

    • I like the way you put the first part. I’m a runner who is having a break. And maybe it’s self imposed, maybe it isn’t, but a break isn’t always forever. Thanks for the perspective.

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