Recently I’ve started noticing Facebook’s new feature, “On this day in…”. It seems in 2009 my life was a little crazy, but 2010 is what keeps making me sad. See, this time last year I was starting what I thought would be the rest of my life. I met with my first client, I prepared for my first group session. I had dreams of spending my summer Bday in my “new place”. It was the week’s leading up to YUT-C I sat in my car listening to lessons on tape so I could pass my pre-licensure exam. I worked crazy hours to meet everyone’s expectations and I stayed up late texting the guy I was dating. What got me through it all was knowing it would be a fast and well worth it year before I sat at my own agency, came home to an empty house full of my own decisions, and went out for exciting nights on the town.
It’s almost the end of 2011, I don’t have an office, I don’t have clients, and I don’t have an apartment. Don’t get me wrong, I DO have fun. There are many people in my life who I have fun with when we do things. It’s hard though when in the back of my mind I’m running numbers to see how long I can keep going like this? Yes, I have a savings account, but really how long will that last? I need to use it to pay off debt if my income isn’t high enough to afford to move out. I’m tired of hearing how so-an-so moved out making $11/hr. I bet so-an-so doesn’t have the kind of student loan debt I have either! If I wasn’t paying for the education, which is currently getting me nowhere, I’d be sitting pretty with an office job. If I had been working for the past 10 years instead of going to school I’d certainly be sitting hella pretty like some of my former high school classmates. If I had a boyfriend or a best friend to live with it wouldn’t suck so much.
Those weren’t the choices I made though, and I don’t regret it for a second. It’s stressful, sure, but everyone has stress. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t have some form of stress or obstacles in their life currently. We all tend to think the grass is greener on the other side, but for now, I’ll keep my own grass. I might not be able to afford to water it, and it might need cut, but it’s my grass and I’ll be damned if I’m just going to give up on it. Besides, tomorrow I have a consultation to set up my oral surgery at which point I can start the good-by to braces countdown.
Facebook I hope you remind me in 2012 how strong I had to be in 2011.