Anxiety

Tomorrow I wake up to what for all intents and purposes is a normal day. However, it is special in that it is the day before my second 50K. Tomorrow I will wake up (early-ish) because I want to be able to go to bed early so I can wake up on time for the race. I will gather all my belongings and make sure anything electronic is charged. I will lay out my clothing and make sure nothing is missing or dirty or questionable. I will go and buy a fannypack, because lord knows where mine went from the marathon two years ago.

Final race instructions informed us there will not be PB&J at the aid stations…Gale is very upset about this…I can’t worry too much. I don’t think it’s the sandwiches that will pull me across the finish line. I have my S-caps or are they Endurolytes? I need to buy more Perpetum solids. I need more Heed mix, in case they run out and only have water. Maybe that won’t matter? My plan is to drink 5-10 oz of water per mile. I can carry (4) 10 oz bottles with my Nathan waist belt. Aid stations are every 4-6 miles. I know in the past I’ve gone through almost 40 oz in a section and that WASN’T enough…but it’s the best I can do under the circumstances. I think if I keep drinking the whole time I should be fine. I want to actually do HEED or a HEED/water mix…but if it’s only water that’s what the tabs are for. I can’t carry too much in the Nathan pack, this is why I need a fannypack. Who knows if I’ll use anything that is in it, but knowing I have it will comfort me. In it will be my salt pills, solids, and bags. I can carry aid station food with me to digest over the mile(s) instead of stopping and stocking up in the road.

Tonight I bought deep woods OFF to keep the deer flies and ticks away. I figured as long as I have (some) food and the water and I keep a (somewhat) hopeful outlook I should be fine…well OK…well survive?

Not going to lie to all you nice people, I am very nervous/scared/bad feelings…about this race. Yes, I know the course. Yes, I know I can do the distance, but let’s be real…can I actually shave 2.5 hours off my finish time from 9 months ago?

I keep dreaming I can and I will finish this race and finish it happily and in one piece. I also keep dreaming I pass out and wake in a hospital hooked to an IV. Both are equally likely.

The endless possibilities of the marathon and ultra races draw me to them. No matter how much training you put into an event, there is always something you can’t and don’t plan on. When I complete them I feel as if I’ve won the lottery…but I know there is always the chance I won’t. Here is hoping for the best…the next time you hear from me will be to inform you if I completed my task or not.

Here is the elevation chart.

bt50k-elevation-714710

2 thoughts on “Anxiety

  1. I am impressed and have all the confidence in the world that you'll finish. I don't know if you'll shave that time off. You've prepared, you've worked hard – so at this point, I think it's all mental. Tell yourself you will, and you will.

    Good luck and I look forward to hearing about how it went in a recap 🙂

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