There is a great debate going on in my head. It is stronger than the legendary Lincoln Douglass debate. I can say this with credibility as a former coach with the NFL (National Forensic League). Don’t believe me? Check out my stats. Not too impressive, I know, but there nevertheless.
OK on to the pressing topic. I have a war going on inside of me! WOW an upgrade from a debate? See what all this sideline talking is doing to a person?
First, the “good side. I have a little voice telling me to eat healthy and exercise. It reminds me that with hard work and dedication I will see results. It reminds me I have too much junk in my trunk and if I wanna hurt less when I perform I need to lose some of the extra. It is happy with the 3 pounds I have lost so far and believes I can lose even more within the next month. It tells me the sooner I lose weight the sooner I can back off a little and maintain. It responds to pictures like the following:
On the other side…the “bad side”. I have a little voice telling me not to worry too much. It says I can make “reasonable” choices even if they are not restricting. It tells me I don’t NEED to lose weight I just WANT to. It tells me I am lovely in my own right and if I want that pizza or cookie or whatever I should go for it. It thinks a 3 mile run actually helps burn fat and calories. It says Jillian is a meanie and doesn’t even DO her own workout in the video! It responds to pictures like the following:
Mind you I AM being good-ish. I’ve set myself up for a 500 calorie deficit each day whenever possible. Yes, I am still eating 1200 or more cals a day in the process. This leads to A LOT of working out. Which isn’t too bad since I have all this free time and I need a strong fitness base for the 50K in July. It is bad because…well…I get lazy! Weekends get here and I wanna lay around by the pool or walk casually or eat out or everything “normal” people do! I hate how one meal at Applebee’s is like 2 days worth of calories. WHY? I hate that I can’t sit down and stuff my face and love the flavor without wondering the rest of the day how I can burn those cals off. How many miles running or riding? Of elliptical? Of walking?
Then I remember how I look and feel in “cute” clothes. In clothes someone my age should be wearing. And I imagine myself dancing at a night club or walking along a beach and feeling confident…and not being overheated by all the layers I feel the need to wear to cover up. I imagine going on a date and having the guy say “Wow you look GOOD” when I wear a nice dress and knowing it’s not just a line. I think of these things…and I drag myself up off my butt or away from the chips and dip. It’s a balancing act…but when I figure it out I can have it all. No, really I can!
And a little piece of insight (well personal opinion) you know how people always say you’ll start craving healthy food? Like last night I overheard two ladies discussing how to make their husbands be vegetarian or vegan and then how to raise children the same way. This is of course a topic for another day…but I wanna share that it is TRUE. I find the healthier I eat the healthier I want to eat. However for me…the craving for junk doesn’t go away. Instead of wanting cookies and pizza and burgers…I find I want a nice crisp salad, a lean chicken breast and rice, a glass of water as one of my meals and the junk as my other meal. I have never had my cravings for junk go away. This is why I need a balance. Or to give up…but balance sounds like a better option.