It’s all ending….

No, this isn’t another of my famous break up posts. That which is coming to an end…is summer. I’m torn with this ending, but mostly I have to admit I’m ready to move on with my life. Summer is a lovely break, and it is a time when I can be more “me” and I love when I meet new people during this time and they get a glimpse of my sanity and passion. The warmer months are the times when I can stay up late, watch movies until my head hurts, go running, go swimming (which I didn’t this year), and just do whatever within my means and sometimes beyond. It’s a preview of the life I might have one day. Now though, while it may be 80+ degrees outside and the position of the sun and planets tells differently, summer is ending.

Monday Mom and I rocked it at Yoga! It seriously helped me after last weekend! Tonight I missed/skipped the last “brick” work out I will be able to attend all semester. Why did I bail? No, it wasn’t for food or a TV show. It’s because I realized I had a few hours of online training to accomplish and no idea when I would do it. In one week I will be sitting in the middle of orientation for our onsite clinic. ONE WEEK. 7 days may seem like a lot, but look at all I do!

Thursday: Twilight Trail 8K. I am very excited about this, I wasn’t too great last year and I am anxious to see how all my trail training will pay off.

Friday: True Blood and hanging out with Alannah. I have to admit, I always admired her and enjoyed her company, but I never imagined she would become such a close and dear friend. Although we’re both busy I do treasure the time we spend together. Plus, she just might be on my level when it comes to over analyzing everything boy related.

Saturday: I am attending a familiarization run for the Shatter the Silence 10K I will be doing next Thursday. I am only doing the 5K loop though. Afterward I am getting my hair done! Woot woot!

Sunday: I have a 10 mile race in the morning. I will be sporting my Team Marathon apparel and I am HOPING for a PR, both overall and on this course. It’ll be my third year running it. I might be able to do it! Later that night Ill probably see Alannah again.

Monday: Probably rest night? Who knows? I have to get my braces tightened in the morning, so I’ll probably feel like crap by night.

Tuesday: Giving my 4th speech at Toastmasters.

So see…not really a lot of time to do this online class work. I could do it Monday or over the weekend. But that’s really cutting it close and I would rather do it tonight (well did it tonight) while I had the interest and energy. BTW has anyone else taken calcium and vitamin D pills? I swear they’re giving me energy! That or it’s the healthy eating and sleeping and water and exercise. Hmmm couldn’t possibly be that now could it!?

Back to the brick and summer, things have been interesting for me this year. I really pictured this as a lazy summer, a time to reunite with old friends I’ve recently found on facebook, a time to read and tan and simply be ME. Instead, I found myself not taking part in runs and events as if it were my job. Initially this was due to a lack of heart, but now I see myself in a different light. I see myself not as someone who needs these things to define herself or to run away from the unhappiness of other obligations, instead as a person who attempts to get what she can from the experience. I have fallen in love this summer….with trail running. My Type A personality is a great fit for the rocks and trees and rivers. It’s on place where I’m alone and I am not competitive. Sure, it’s nice to finish stronger each time, but you see less of the person 30 seconds in front of you and it kills you a little less inside. I’m away from emails and phone calls, away from cars and conversation. It’s a journey with each new and old trail; each experience is never the same. I don’t have heat from pavement, traffic lights or road kill. I have my thoughts…and as I near the end of an important process in my life I like those thoughts.

In 2008 I walked into a little room in a little building with a bunch of other people. I looked around and felt SO OLD compared to everyone else. Sure they were only a year or two younger than me, but the looks on their faces told a different story. They were fresh from undergrad. No one in the room that I knew of had an advanced degree, nor had any of them attempted and failed at one. Most of them had never had a job outside of school and several of them were getting married or had boyfriends who LOVED them. And I thought to myself; let’s see how much they love you when you really get into this process. Those thoughts were not wrong, many fellow students had more troubles with their “love” then their studies and I knew from past experiences how you change during an MA. In fact during that class we had a whole lesson on how every tie we had outside of class and within would change.

Many people laughed, but I held my breath and actually hoped those words would be true. I’ve change so much in the past two year and in the next several months I will change even more. Honestly, I’ve become a better person. For the first time in my life I was doing something for ME and not for someone else. Not for my Mom, not for a boy. I’m famous for using “love” as an alibi….I try to defend by saying “What’s the point of any of this if you don’t have someone to share it with”. Well, I can’t tell you what the point is, but I can tell you it’s an undeniable satisfaction to know you did something on your own and for yourself. Sure, it’d be great to have someone who isn’t related to me hug me and kiss me and say “Honey I’m SO PROUD of you” when I walk across that stage (hopefully in May! Lol) but what would they know? I wanna hug my fellow students, I wanna hug my professors, and I want to hug myself! Because NO ONE gets it but me. NO ONE. And I’m truly OK with that….it finally doesn’t make me feel alone to say that, it makes me feel strong.

So, goodbye summer. Goodbye struggles and judgments and choices. Goodbye total uncertainty and goodbye explanations. Hello clients. Hello degree. Hello licensure and hello the rest of my AMAZING life.

However, in the in-between…hello to pause. Hello to “Sorry I’m busy” hello to “I need to be alone” hello to “I miss you too”.

Life ain’t a track meet; it’s a marathon…right? You don’t know what’s around the corner, you don’t know who you’ll meet at the water stops, the SWAG may not be the best, you may not stand out in the crowd, but it’s an experience and it’s all YOURS.

On a lighter note: I’m also in love with the guy who runs this webpage. 1) He’s amazingly funny 2) He’s amazingly hot. HAHA. And today he makes fun of therapy…so what better time to introduce this page.

If you go to the page other than Wed it’s lesson #722 – Therapy

3 thoughts on “It’s all ending….

  1. It's nice to see someone be positive about school starting. 🙂 You must really enjoy it, despite the challenges and hard work. I admire you. 🙂

    It also sounds like you have a fun rest-of-the-week planned! I wish my schedule was as crazy/busy/fun as yours. Hehe.

    And ummmm checked out that guy's website and yeah he's pretty hot. LOL! And quite hilarious. Thanks for letting us know about it. xo

  2. Nice insights!! I'm so glad you aren't mad at me for getting you into the OC 50K. LOL!! I'm in love with trail running as well. I guess anyone who knows me/us could have guessed that. No more back-to-back road races. It's pretty obvious to our friends, I would think!! On a side note, they run a lot more trail races in the winter than road races… ughhhhh…. LOL!!!

    Yeah, that guy is HOT!! Hey, I'm old but I'm not dead!! 😉

  3. “Life ain’t a track meet; it’s a marathon” What a GREAT quote!

    It sounds like you rocked this summer. Bring that energy into the fall. Make it a super awesome year!

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