Medication Update #2

Way back in the day (the end of September) I gave an update on my journey with Lexapro (anti-depressant and anti anxiety medication). Since then it’s been mentioned in passing, but nothing of a notable entry.

One reason I didn’t bring it up was because it started to not work anymore and in a way I started to feel like a failure. Hey that’s why I needed the meds to begin with right? Faulty thinking and other concerns.

Through the end of December I was very happy with my progress. In January the only major change was my insurance wouldn’t cover the pharmacy I was using so I had to switch to another local place. Not a big deal right? The meds were supposed to be the same (same generic), but I noticed they were stamped differently, so they are from a different manufacturer.

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Over the last 4 months I haven’t felt ANYTHING like I did when I first started my medication. Slowly I slipped into a depressive state again, but was ashamed to tell anyone. I stopped exercising, stopped blogging, stopped being social. I ate for comfort, felt guilty and ate for comfort again. I was tired ALL THE TIME. I took naps instead of doing anything else and I always went for sugar or caffeine to keep myself awake at work.

People were more than willing to offer “excuses” for me. Well you had surgery that will take a lot out of someone. Well you’re buying a house that’s stressful. Well you live in Ohio and it was a long hard winter.

Thank you all for believing in me, but I have reached a point where I can’t always hide behind “logic”. Depression and anxiety aren’t logical. It doesn’t matter how many people say I’m still happy and fun, I don’t feel like “me”. The battle in my head between who I want to be and this overpowering life sucking force has returned.

I went to the Dr today to ask about a change in medication. She agreed it was needed. We decided to start by switching back to my old pharmacy. Insurance won’t cover it, but I’m a bigger fan of that verses a new dose or increased dose. She also took blood to check my thyroid. I was borderline last time and she wonder if a synthroid (?) would be beneficial. Also she asked me to pick up OTC vitamin D3 at least 3,000 . I couldn’t find 3,000 so I bought 5,000.

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Don’t worry I’m going to do my part too. I’m going to be very strict with my diet (and exercise) for the next month. Yes, and beyond, but next month is the follow up. I’m very proud of myself to tell you the truth. It took 30 years to reach out for help. It only took 5 months to admit something was off afterward. Maybe because I had a taste of what I thought I could never have….now I want it back. I don’t want to be depressed when I pick up the keys to my first house. I don’t want to be depressed when I have my first child in a few years or when they graduate 18 years later. I mean in a way it will always be a part of me, but it’s not the only part of me.

So that’s what’s going on….I’m probably losing countless readers and sponsor opportunities, but honesty it what I offer here.

I hope everyone is doing well! Let me know about your latest races or events or accomplishments. It makes me so happy to read them all.

XOXO

Ask Me Anything?

I came home tonight with the intention of going to Zumba. Then I read our inspection report and my bubble was popped for the evening. Not that I refuse to work out when I’m in a bad mood, but I didn’t want to be away in case someone called.Right now this is not fun, right now I am so stressed I don’t care more one way or the other if we get this place. I see dollar signs floating everywhere and I’m freaking out.

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To calm myself I turned to Netflix which I haven’t done in a while since I decided to join ALL the book clubs and do ALL the reading this month. As I scrolled I came across “Ask me Anything” and a movie based on blogging is always of interest to me and I pressed play.

Outside of the blog aspect of things, I really enjoyed this movie. Maybe it was the way I could relate to young and bad choices of relationships. Maybe it was the way I could related to “sorta” abuse as a child. Maybe it was the therapy or the sex. Really if I’m going to be totally honest…it was the way she viewed her blog. At times it gave her great pride to have so many readers. At other times she was astonished at the cruel things people will say anonymously.

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I won’t give away any important plot twists or the ending…but I will say when she talks about the idea of walking away from her blog, it’s a narrative I have reviewed time and time again. What would it be like to live without wondering how it will write up? What would it be to live without a timeline of publication? Do young people simply want to be famous even if they aren’t good at anything? Am I no longer a young person?

Aside from the ending the other part that really struck a cord with me was when the main character explains why she writes under a fake name. She says it’s so no one in real life can find her and then she can tell the truth. After all what’s the point of having a blog if you aren’t going to tell the truth?

Two months from now I will celebrate the 6th anniversary of this blog. Pretty cool huh? I still remember how excited I was when I made it to 1 year. And how scared I was I wouldn’t make it to year two…because what could I possibly write about for a whole second YEAR?

I’m very excited to be moving forward with my life, but just like moving into a new physical domain, I need to change around my mental and emotional domains. I need to take stock of what I have available and decide what to keep and what to pitch or donate. Of the things I keep they may need a new purpose or a new location. Running isn’t just for therapy or weight loss, it’s for fun. OK. Reading has made a comeback…an escape from reality without as much drama as TV or movies. OK. I have friends and family willing to talk. OK. Blogging was another escape, blogging was a sense of self, blogging was an accountability tool. If I don’t need to escape, or build myself up or track a mission, then what is blogging?

Blogging is me.

Over the last week I made a joke about two different statements I think would make great life mottoes or titles of autobiographies.

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“Although we have an agenda, we will be all over the place”.  And “Almost there, just around the corner! Only to discover there’s another corner”.

I don’t want to be a broken record, but I don’t want to be fake either. This last week I went to Zumba twice, hiked 5 miles, biked 14 miles and biked a second time for 7 miles. The week before that I did Zumba once, and hiked 4 miles then 5 miles. Still doing Weight Watchers and I’ve lost .5 pounds. YAY!

Normally I’d talk about those in detail, but I didn’t take many pictures. So have a GREAT week everyone, I’ll be posting more information items this week and I’ll be back with real life stories before you know it!

AROO! Part TWO! Reebok SPARTAN Race is BACK in Ohio for 2015

Many of you will recall how I took on the challenge of the Spartan Super last October. In my blissful ignorance I thought “How hard could this be?” Well given my 2014 race report was about 3 weeks late, I think we know the answer to that question. Signing up for the event I thought I had years of trail and ULTRA running at my disposal to execute a flawless presentation. Little did I realize how much FULL BODY effort an obstacle course could involve. Walking away from SPARTA last year, I was muddy, tired, nearly froze, and completely in love. Which is why I HAPPILY agreed to promote the race again this year in exchange for 1 free entry.

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Parts where we walked or ran I felt super confident and in my own element. Parts where we had to carry logs, buckets of rocks, sandbags or giant heavy balls I wasn’t as sure of myself. Anything involving balance or wall climbing I was in the mud doing burpees.

One might think this would lead me to taking things more seriously, but with all the health issues I had it was a little hard to train. Now I’m doing the best and smartest training I know to prep for my first installment of SPARTAN fun and adventure NEXT MONTH!

OK, so…what is it? According to the makers:

Spartan Race™ 

World’s Best Obstacle Race. Period.

Born in the scenic hills of Vermont, Spartan Race was created to bring the excitement of obstacle racing to spectators and athletes alike. That means you.

Spartan Race is a true adventure that anyone can do, and everyone should try. With course lengths of 3+miles (Sprint), 8+miles, (Super) and 12+miles (Beast) each course is filled with mud, water, and signature obstacles designed to help you discover your inner Spartan. Athletes of all fitness levels will enjoy participating in a Spartan Race and the feeling of accomplishment that comes at the finish line.

Spartan Race even has events for kids. We believe that fitness and adventure should involve the whole family. Come out and watch your kids run, jump, and climb like children were meant to do all in their ownSpartan Kids race.

For those that want a more team based experience Spartan Race has theHurricane Heat and for the truly adventurous the Hurricane Heat 12 Hour. The Hurricane Heat takes you out of the individual role and has you work with a group of complete strangers to complete tasks designed to bring you together as a team. Those that have done the Hurricane Heat have often done multiple across the country, making friends for life along the way.

Not sure you are ready to run a Spartan Race? It’s ok we have everything you need to get you ready: Spartan SGX training, workouts-of-the-day, nutrition tips to help you eat better, and free workouts held in cities all over the country. Spartan Race is not only the worlds best obstacle race (period), but can be a complete lifestyle overhaul.

So even if you’ve tried a trail race, mud run, obstacle race, or adventure race it’s time to try a Spartan Race. Unlike other obstacle races we offer something for everyone. So sign-up, gear-up and find out why we say…

You’ll know at the finish line.

From what I heard at the event and later read in various online groups, several people complained about the Ohio course last year. Not so much the terrain, but the weather. We had snow, rain and hail. It hurt. There were also some “complaints” about the miles, but given the SUPER (which I did) was advertised as “8+ miles” the fact we finished near 10 or 11 shouldn’t be an area for too much complaining. I think the bigger issue was the next level is BEAST and it includes 12+ miles depending on the course so some people thought SUPER should have stayed closer to 8 or 9 miles. I THINK there were also issues with people wanting to do all three distances and not being able to coordinate properly. Why do I mention this? Because I want you to know I am being honest with my promotions and reviews.

This year many of those issues seem to have been solved. The race has been moved to June, but remains at The Wilds safari park & conservation center in Cumberland Ohio. Saturday May 30th is the BEAST option (12+ miles and 25+ obstacles), Sunday May 31st is the SPRINT option (3+ miles and 15 obstacles). There is not an option for SUPER this year, meaning if you’re local you’ll need to seek out another location for your middle green piece of the TRIFECTA puzzle. My crew and I are  nervous and excited to be trying our first BEAST in Ohio and will be headed to PA in July for the SPRINT and SUPER races.

I’m super excited to earn my TRIFECTA this year and even more excited to do so with my younger sister!

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BEAST pricing for Ohio ranges from $130 to $190, while SPRINT ranges from $60 to $100 currently. Plus parking and any upgrades you might select. However if you use the code SPARTANBLOGGER you will save 10%.  Your money ears you:

Badass Finishers Medal (personalize it with our partner site, iTab)
A trifecta medal wedge piece
Free beer courtesy of Shock Top
Finisher t-shirt (your other one should be pretty dirty)
Free Professional Photos (to frame and flaunt)
Bananas at the finish line
Clif Builder’s protein bar
Bragging rights

To register for a SPARTAN near you visit Spartan.com and take a look at the map below:

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Looking for more than just a race experience? Make sure you hang around the website for a bit. Last year I noticed the fitness test, a workout plan and various food/recipe ideas. I don’t always read what comes across my email, but there have been more than a few times I’ve appreciated a certain workout of holiday recipe idea over the last several months. Scrolling through I really felt like the organizers want people to have a great experience with their event, from the day they sign up, to the day they show up on the field and even once you’re done (but come back the next year too haha). Of course if you’re more into virtual connections they have a presence on Facebook,Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest! Plus they’ve recently launched a podcast!

The epitome of grit, Joe Desena, founder & CEO of Spartan Race and NY Times best-selling author, travels the globe seeking answers from experts like Sir Richard Branson, Steve Pressfield, Barbell Shrugged, and many more. Joe’s interviews with authors, academics, athletes, adventurers, CEOs and thought leaders will shift your thinking, make you laugh and and give you the tools you need. He’s on a mission to find the secrets to success in all aspects of life. Not only does Joe interview epic people, he has brought together an amazing panel to break down and analyze every aspect of these interviews. We give you the ultimate blueprint and action steps to assimilating these powerful conversations into your own life.

If you’re not intrigued or signed up by now, I don’t know what else I can say. From a person standpoint OCR (Obstacle course racing) changed my life. It lit my flame for outdoor fun back up when I burned myself out. It made me reconsider how to exercise and take care of ALL parts of my body. It taught me to work as a team instead of against others. Most importantly, it gave me to confidence to reach out to a fellow OCR newbie on a dating site, who is most certainly my soul mate and I doubt we would have ever crossed paths otherwise. Now, I can’t promise you any of these same results, but I can tell you it is a very unique experience.